We lost Risper last weekend.

Risper is Kendi’s comfort toy. She goes everywhere and it doesn’t matter how sad or angry the little lady gets, Risper can always calm her down.

Last weekend, we went to the supermarket and I got off before Kendi and Martin. I usually insist that Risper gets left behind in the car but I wasn’t there this time. Martin got out with the baby and noticed after a beat that she still had Risper in her hand. He tried to take it away and put it in his pocket, but Kendi was having none of that. My bleeding-heart husband didn’t want to bother her (I am sure you can tell that the tone of this post is probably going to be all about blame- it’s how I cope), so he let her hold the toy while they shopped.

I finally caught up with them as they were at the till and offered Kendi the food I had gone to buy. I needed to dash to the loo so I left them once more. When I came back, they were now standing outside the shop and Kendi was eating. ‘Where’s Risper?’ I asked Martin, he didn’t hear me, he was talking about something else, ‘Martin!’ I almost yelled, ‘Where’s Risper’

‘Oh my goodness,’ he said and took off back into the supermarket.

I knew he wouldn’t find it, we had gone too far, surely someone had picked it up, or it had gotten kicked under something. I was so hurt and depressed, I almost started crying. Sure enough, when he came back without it, I said,’ let me go check, I feel so bad!’ and took off before he could talk me out of it. I left while Martin was saying, ‘Kendi, I’m really sorry baby, Risper is no more…’

The baby is now dragging her blanket all over the house (it’s made of the same fabric as Risper was).

Anyway, on the morning of my birthday, my husband announces, ‘sweetie I have something for you!’ I turn with a huge smile on my face and a big bag of anticipation in my heart, to see that he’s talking to Kendi. ‘Ta da!’ he pulls out a colorful Eeyore(from the Winnie the Pooh series) and hands it to Kendi.

‘This is Eeyore’ he says.

‘Lala’ she repeats.

‘Yes, Eeyore’

She loves it, she immediately starts to suck on her lower lip, the way she would do with Risper.

‘It works’ I declare dryly, ‘you found it?’

‘Found it? I bought it yesterday’

‘Huh? She has one exactly like that!’

(Huge sigh) Dads!

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