‘Daddy, look at Mich kissing Sifa’, I call out to my dad. My dad’s reactions to kissing pets is classic. I’m always trying to get my sisters in trouble. They enjoy kissing their dogs, which is an act I find revolting.
My dad doesn’t waste any time, ‘Mich! Come on! Why are the dogs even in here? Come here Sifa’.
Mich: I wasn’t even kissing her
Me: Yes she was. She was kissing her even with tongue. So nasty (I start laughing)
Dad: Mich, I’ve warned you many times not to kiss these dogs. Weren’t you just at the doctor’s office the day before yesterday, because of such behavior?
Mich: What? At the doctors because of kissing the dog?
Me: (Laughing too much. This is what I live for)
Tawi: Ai, dad, its not that big of a deal
Dad: Maro, you don’t talk, were you not just at Dr. Wangai’s last week?
Tawi: Yes, I was. For my back! Not because I was kissing dogs
Me: (In between bouts of laughter) Its because of kissing the dogs daddy. They’re so nasty
Mich: Kitt, really?
Tawi: You and dad deserve each other
Dad: Ladies, you need to stop kissing these dogs. I’m tired of saying it again and again
Me: (Uncontrollably laughing)
Kendi: Babu, kissing dogs is nasty. I don’t kiss any dogs
Dad: Well done baby
Kendi: I don’t kiss Sifa, I don’t kiss Raha, I don’t kiss Tot. And even I don’t kiss uncles
Dad: Kendi, you don’t kiss uncles?
Kendi: Nope. I don’t kiss uncles like Tata Tawi
(Mich and I start to choke. Like choke on saliva and laughter. Tawi looks like she’s about to lose her life)
Dad: Which uncles does Tata Tawi kiss?
Kendi: Uncle Kibe
Kibe is Tawi’s friend, and he was just at her house the day before, for a lunch she was hosting. We obviously missed the kissing bit, but Kendi picked up on it. At this point, I am laughing so hard that I don’t hear Tawi whisper, ‘Kitt, get your kid!’
Dad: Oh really?
Kendi: Yes. Tata Tawi and uncle Kibe were at a wedding and they were kissing
Tawi: What wedding? Kendi? What wedding were we at, surely?
Kendi: Its true
Dad: Maro? (This is the name my dad calls Tawi- it means ‘mother in law’- she’s named after my maternal grandmother)
(I am laughing so hard and falling on Mich. This situation couldn’t have been any better if I had written the script myself! Mich also can’t find her voice. This is the best thing to have ever happened to our family)
Tawi: Daddy, what wedding? Why isn’t anybody saying what wedding?
Dad: I thought he was just a friend, has that status changed?
Tawi: Daddy, please stop.
Dad: You couldn’t even have waited for him to kiss you? You decided to be the initiator?
(Now, Mich and I are crying tears of pain, because our guts are all over the living room floor)
Tawi: Daddy, surely
Kendi: Its true
Best. Day. Ever.