Tantrums for dummies

Kendi has learned how to throw tantrums. She has different techniques for different situations and audiences.

She can write a book for other toddlers who need fresh ideas. She understands that by doing the same thing over and over, you risk loosing the ‘wow’ effect from your audience. It would probably go something like this:

1. If you find yourself crawling on the ground and the situation calls for a tantrum, crawl in a very forceful manner, slapping your palms on the ground and waving your head back and forth- like a charging bull (A very tiny charging bull). Scream and shout.

2. If you find yourself in mama’s or baba’s arms and you need to throw a tantrum, throw your body back and down as fast and as forcefully as you can. Make sure to fling your head as far back so as to connect with any wall, shelf or hard surface that might be behind you. It might help if you actually get hurt doing this. The idea is to add onto the sadness of the situation. Scream and shout.

3. If you are lying down and you feel the tantrum coming on, kick you legs out in front of you, throw your body this way and that so as to simulate a fish out of water, flail your arms and slap anyone in the immediate vicinity.Become shocked if you do connect with someone’s face. Scream and shout.

4. If you are standing leaning on your mama or baba, and the tantrum needs to be thrown, throw your head as far back as you can while still holding on so as not to fall down. On your arrival back, bite down on the knee of the person you are holding onto. Scream and shout.

All these methods only work if the audience is your mother or your father. For your grandmother or grandfather, the following is sufficient.

A. Look sad by pulling your lower lip forward and puffing up your cheeks.

B. Whimper.

C. Cry a few real tears (volume is not important here), let the tears linger on your face. Wipe them away when someone looks at you.

D. Whine and whinge.

If these tactics don’t work for your grandparents, see number 1 to 4.

Caution: The results are not always positive.

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