School!

Prologue

It is 7am, and I have been hearing the sounds of my children crying, screaming, and begging for a little over 15 minutes. I’m still asleep, so I put it down to having a nightmare of some sort. I try to settle back down into that sweet, sweet morning sleep. Catherine (their nanny) is already in the house. I wonder why she would be letting them carry on like that- at that volume, at this time of day, for that long a period. It’s unfathomable.

This continues for another 15 minutes, and now, I am fully awake. Because only a deaf, comatose person would not be.

 

Chapter 1- 38

Catherine: (mumbling) Kendi, play with this one

Kendi:(In the most pleading voice she can muster) Keyo, please share

Keyo: (Screaming at the top of his lungs. He has learned to use crying and screaming loudly, to quickly get what he wants. The problem is, he doesn’t usually succeed. I don’t understand why he keeps trying it) No!

Kendi: Keyo, please just share

Catherine: (I can hardly hear her to be honest) Keyo, play with this other one, look at this nice one

Keyo: (Screaming so loudly I bet the security guards at the main gate, think there’s a robbery at my house) No! My truck!

Kendi: Keyo, please

Keyo: Nooooooo (screaming even louder, if that’s at all possible)

Kendi: Keyo, sharing is caring (whimpering and whining)

Catherine: Kendi, can you play with something else?

Kendi: No! Keyo, please, just a little (yelling, to be heard over all the screaming)

Keyo: Stop it! My truck! (This is becoming offensive now)

I am just laying in bed, assuring myself that any minute now, Catherine will have them under control and they will stop. I mean, come on!!! Just take away whatever they’re fighting over, woman. I need to sleep.

Kendi: Keyo look, just for a little while. Just a little (screaming now)

Keyo: Nooooo, Cathine (Catherine) noooooo. My truuuuccckkk. (I’m about to lose my mind)

Kendi: Pleeeeaaasssee Keyo. Please.

Keyo: (Just screaming and crying)

Kendi: Sharing is caring

Keyo: (More screaming and crying)

 

Conclusion

I have had enough. I jump out of bed, put on some clothes (I’m still dizzy from sleep), walk out of my room and into theirs, slap them both on the head, take the truck and say, ‘ Stop it!’

Kendi: But mama…

Me: Kendi, dhi bed kacha (go sit there- I point at the living room ‘time out corner’). Keyo, bed kanyo (sit there- pointing at a corner of the bedroom)

Kendi: (Wailing like a paid mourner)

Keyo: (Screaming like a banshee)

Me: Ok unyal share? (You can’t share) bed piny! (sit down)

Within 3 minutes, everyone is done crying, and we’re hugging and cuddling in my room. What a wake up call.

Kendi: Mama

Me: Yes

Kendi: Why did you put us in time out?

Me: Nikech ok unyal share (because you can’t share)

Kendi: But you already chapad (spanked) us. You are supposed to do only one.

 

Epilogue

Me: (Lord, take me now. I just got schooled on discipline by a 5 year old!)

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