Ignorant

In my family, if you are ignoring someone, you are being ignorant. Not like you don’t know what you’re saying/doing, but ignorant because of the way the word itself sounds. Also, the fact that I’m explaining it to you means it’s probably not that funny. But we kill ourselves every time we use it, so there’s that. Also, I don’t care if you don’t think it’s as funny as we do.

But, I digress.

Kendi is very ignorant these days. I am simultaneously upset and nonchalant about it. I feel sad that she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, but I’m also enjoying the break. I am a pregnant woman, I don’t need to make sense, leave me alone!

Anyway, yesterday as we were leaving for work, I bade her goodbye, ‘bye sweetness’, I called out, fully expecting the ‘no bye mama’ comeback that I have come to cherish (in hindsight, now that it was taken away from me). It didn’t come. She grunted, something that sounded like ‘mmmm’ and continued watching cartoons. I was so sure she was on her way to ride to the gate in the car (as was our morning ritual), that when Martin got into the driver’s seat and started backing up, I was shocked and asked, almost shouting at him in anger, ‘where is Kendi?’.

‘She’s watching cartoons’, he replied with his hand on the steering wheel, looking at me strangely.

‘There’s no bye today? No kisses? No hugs?’ I asked, close to tears. What was I thinking? I didn’t need the affection of a two year old. I was a full grown woman with a really good job. I was confident and self made. I didn’t need no two year old to validate me!

‘Yeah, I went and hugged and kissed her, but she didn’t get up’, he said as he backed out, totally oblivious to my turmoil.

What is this? I thought to myself. Why has this happened to me? To us? What happened to our relationship? We used to be so close. And the fact that I wasn’t going to see her till this evening (because she was spending the night at my mother’s), made things even worse.

And then, this morning, she didn’t want to speak to me when I called her.

‘Please ask her what I did to her Tawi’, I whined into the phone to my sister before I hang up. I have become an annoying, nagging, girlfriend. Surely this is not me. I am stronger than this. Please God, let me be stronger than this.

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